From 90210 to 9/11: 10 Ways the Early ‘90s Changed the World
By Teddy Wayne
(Originally appeared in Radar on July 27, 2007)
As the war in Iraq drags on into its fifth year with no end in sight, the American military is increasingly going it alone. But remember 1991, when a U.S.-led coalition marched into Kuwait and repelled Saddam's forces in a matter of six weeks—then had the good sense to quit while it was ahead?
One can’t help feeling a little nostalgic for those halcyon days of the early ‘90s. You may recall the cultural detritus from 1990-94 as a vapid, amorphous, and insignificant slice of American history. But while you doodled Kurt Cobain’s face and strapped on your Rollerblades, the entertainment, figures, products, moments, and trends of those five years were quietly sowing the seeds of today’s geopolitical landscape. Time-travel a decade-plus back with Radar and see what the early ‘90s begat.
SIDEBURNS ON “90210”
EARLY ‘90s: Historian Arthur Schlesinger theorized that American electoral politics cycle between liberalism and conservatism approximately every seventeen years. The same can be said for sideburns, which James Dean kick-started in 1955’s “Rebel Without a Cause,” found favor again in the early ‘70s, and were reinvigorated in 1990 by Jason Priestley and Luke Perry on “Beverly Hills, 90210.” The follicular floodgates opened in the ‘90s for goatees, mutton chops, and eventually mountain-man beards, all of which led to…
NOW: …growing resentment among the fundamentalist Muslim community over American hipster/tony L.A. suburbia appropriation of facial hair for such unholy vices as attracting women and garnering higher Nielsen ratings, culminating in, of course, 9/11. The hijackers also shaved prior to their attacks, thus making them less conspicuous targets for airport security than the common unshaven Williamsburger. That’s right: September 11th was not the fault of Bush’s security advisors, but of Aaron Spelling and the yearly summer flood of Wesleyan and Oberlin grads.
WHAT’S NEXT: Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad overthrown in a bloodless coup by the more clean-cut Ian Ziering.
BLACK PEOPLE AS VILLAINS ON “THE REAL WORLD”
EARLY ‘90s: On MTV’s “The Real World,” Kevin Powell nearly walked out on his white housemates on Season One in 1992. While Powell later became a successful writer focusing on the African-American experience, little did he realize his angry on-screen persona would trigger a sequence of black cast members being evicted from the houses in later seasons, echoing national trends of urban gentrification and the televisual ghettoization of minority sitcoms to the since-renamed WB network, until…
NOW: …the Supreme Court’s recent decision to virtually overturn Brown vs. the Board of Ed. After witnessing eighteen seasons of racial disharmony, the Court ruled that, ultimately, we can’t all just get along.
WHAT’S NEXT: “Total Request Live” text-message poll to decide on the fate of Roe v. Wade.
GANGSTA RAP
EARLY ‘90s: Dr. Dre and Snoop Doggy Dogg’s 1992 breakout song for Death Row Records, “Nuthin’ but a ‘G’ Thang,” promoted the vainglorious West Coast gangsta culture of violence and misogyny. Their message, a reclamation of American aggression absent during the wimpy Bush/Quayle Administration and the bourgeois reign of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air and court jester DJ Jazzy Jeff, proved so popular that it spread all the way to the East Coast, where we got their Beltway counterparts…
NOW: …George W. Bush and Karl Rove, the gangstas of the cold-blooded Bush Administration (gang sign: four and three fingers). Like Dre and Snoop, the duo isn’t afraid to pop a cap in someone’s ass (Saddam) or endlessly boast (“Bring it on”), gives similar props to death row (152 executions in six years in Texas), and passes legislation that disrespects women (except for Condi). And they’ve always got their homies’ back (Libby).
WHAT’S NEXT: The major-label release of MC Rove’s single.
URKEL
EARLY ‘90s: Introduced to “Family Matters” midway through the first season in 1990, Jaleel White’s irrepressible, cheese-fiending Steve Urkel quickly stole the show. Urkel made it safe for more photogenic geeks to dominate prime-time shows, notably Seth Cohen from “The O.C.,” and the ‘90s oversaw a wholesale revenge of the nerds as skill sets in computer programming and emotional songwriting were suddenly in demand. But it would be fourteen years until another dork with oversized glasses and a bad fade commanded so much American attention. We are referring, of course, to…
NOW: …North Korean “Dear Leader” Kim Jong Il—possible nuclear power, dissident-oppressor, and noted script doctor.
WHAT’S NEXT: Jong Il’s impish question after “accidentally” launching a nuclear missile our way: “Did I do that?”
CRYSTAL PEPSI
“Right Now” Crystal Pepsi commercial
EARLY ‘90s: Every so often, a major organization makes a colossal error in judgment that just about everyone else predicts well before its inner circle of advisors. PepsiCo unwisely followed the trend of clear beverages with the short-lived Crysal Pepsi in 1992. Despite a rockin’ Van Halen-backed commercial that co-opted the original video’s politically-conscious subtitles for such radically left-wing pronouncements as “RIGHT NOW STARTLING FLAVOR STRIKES,” the product was clearly destined for failure. Van Halen’s revolving door after “Right Now” of feckless lead singers and the band’s lack of musical direction reminded many political pundits of the woes of another crumbling empire: the U.S. The correlation was apposite: We are doomed to repeat the mistakes of our forefathers, and a decade after its death, the Crystal Pepsi experiment was reborn as…
NOW: …the Iraq War, an idea with similar merit that, unfortunately, can’t be withdrawn as easily and hasn’t been produced with the same degree of transparency.
WHAT’S NEXT: The slogan for Fallujah Pepsi (shaken very hard, it doubles as an Improvised Explosive Device): “The choice of a new generation of jihadists.”
MINESWEEPER
EARLY 90s: In 1992, Windows 3.1 gave bored suburban moms everywhere a chance to sharpen their reflexes with the bundled game Minesweeper. Unable to break their carpal tunnel syndrome-exacerbating addiction, they were forced to upgrade continually to later Windows versions, filling the coffers of monopolist Bill Gates. Gates, wracked with guilt over his creation of a game that reduced the wages of landmine war to a mere yellow frowny face, decided his profiteering should instead be dedicated to…
NOW: …tackling the health and infrastructural problems of the Third World. However, The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation has yet to take a position on the eradication of land mines. Coincidence, or insurance against rendering Windows Vista obsolete?
WHAT’S NEXT: The Dell dude finds the cure for cancer by playing FreeCell.
HYPERCOLOR
EARLY ‘90s: Fashionistas breathed a sigh of relief in the early ‘90s: Finally, a neon shirt that changes color with heat and physical impressions to leave indelible evidence of dance-floor sexual harassment! The Hypercolor line burned out into bankruptcy in 1993, but Americans who still owned the shirts and shorts kept their clothing functional for years by spraying aerosol deodorants, driving SUVs, chopping down rainforests, ironically investing in plastics to pay homage to “The Graduate,” and otherwise contributing to…
NOW: …global warming. (No word yet on whether Dick Cheney invested in Hypercolor stock.)
WHAT’S NEXT: Al Gore runs for president in a Hypercolor power suit.
WHERE IN THE WORLD IS CARMEN SANDIEGO?
Rockapella sings the theme to "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?"
EARLY ‘90s: Capitalizing on the success of the titular computer game, PBS aired “Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?” from 1991-96. Ostensibly a game show designed to promote kids’ knowledge of geography, the program fetishized the exoticism of foreign countries. The contestants and viewers entered college in the mid-to-late ‘90s, where they encountered dropping international airfares, ubiquitous ISIC card discounts for JYA students, and intensified academic interest in the “Other.” In hindsight, the show proved to be nothing less than a 30-minute advertisement for…
NOW: …globalization. The Rockapella-loving gumshoes of yesteryear are the hedge-fund imperialists of today, gaining deep market penetration by exploiting their exhaustive knowledge of foreign capitals.
WHAT’S NEXT: Carmen Sandiego outsourced as Carmen Bangalore.
BOXERS OR BRIEFS?
EARLY ‘90s: In the 1994 MTV “Rock the Vote” town meeting with President Clinton, a 17-year-old girl asked, “Mr. President, all the world’s dying to know. Is it boxers or briefs?” Clinton’s suave answer (“Usually briefs”) seemed to cement his popularity with the youth, but critics felt the topic debased the dignity of the office. The girl’s question about the president’s underwear presaged Monica Lewinsky’s own investigations into the matter, which prompted Ken Starr’s prying cross-examinations into Clinton’s botched real estate deals and extramarital affairs. Apparently, there have also been a couple of inconsistencies in the Bush White House that our justice system and press has tirelessly pursued and unraveled. Yet the nation has grown weary and frightened—all these scary adult problems! Hey, let’s question an issue even seventh-graders should understand, such as…
NOW: ...evolution. Three out of ten GOP candidates don’t believe in the theory, and in a survey of 32 European countries plus the U.S. and Japan, only Turkey had a lower public acceptance of the theory.
WHAT’S NEXT: The boxer-brief-styled compromise in the ’12 debates: Intelligent design.
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